STUDIO ARTEFACT #004
ON THE 10th DAY OF CHRISTMAS…
GALLERY artefact #040
Picture by Kristan Morrison, somewhere in LA…December 2019
10 Lords a-leaping! Unable to escape the House as the flames consume the chamber!
Oh Christ, doesn’t that look like Michelle Mone, or is it the dear old Arch-Prebendary using a cantilevered uberbra to parachute from the upper chamber into a waiting hearse?
And surely that’s one of the Lords Spiritual, off like Halley’s Comet past the Woolsack accompanied by the Lord Davies of Gower on a blazing skateboard.
Today’s seasonal squib is one of a bunch of my songs I recorded raw and live with just me, G’s acoustic guitar and a big daft bottle of wine in Gerard Way’s home studio, December 2019 BC (Before Covid). It’s like being there that night!
The engineer on what might loosely be called a ‘session’, the man responsible for capturing the reality of the wayward moment was Doug McKean, himself in no small part responsible for the exquisite tones and tremors of Welcome to the Black Parade, Danger Days, and My Chemical Romance’s 2022 comeback single The Foundations of Decay.
Doug died way too early in June 2022. This is for him, and I picked a satirical Neil Innes inspired workout I wrote at the height of the No-Logo corporate protests in the early 2000s. A tale of forbidden lust entitled WPC1 (Woman Police Constable One).
The words as written below are correct. I make quite a few mistakes in the sung version presented here.
When I do posts with me singing, I’m often visited by kindly well-wishers, seemingly concerned that I might suddenly delude myself into mounting the Pop Idol stage and quacking my way through To Sir With Love in front of a savagely judgmental jury including Simon Cowell.
‘Don’t give up your day job…’ they warn.
To which I can only reply, ‘Don’t worry, I DIDN’T!’
And, listeners, here’s why…
WPC1
D-d-d-dad I’m love with the daughter of Dracula
WPC1
I know it’s so wrong, but the sex is spectacular
With WPC1
What have I begun?
I’m an activist’s son –
In love with WPC1!
Dad please don’t tell my mum!
About WPC1!
Call WPC1 and she’ll always come!
Say WPC, please can I see your gun?
Dad, I get hard when I’m watching the videos!
With WPC1!
Confessions from dissidents, messages on radios, WPC1!
What have I become?
I’m a radical’s son.
In bed with WPC1.
Dad please don’t tell my mum!
About WPC1!
Call WPC1 and she’ll always come!
Say WPC please can I touch your gun?
She’s a hydra, she’s a harpy!
The life and soul of the Conformity Party.
WPC1!
She’s a triumph of recruitment
The scourge of the anti-corporate movement
And I love her!
Yeah I love her!
Dad I’m tears and I think it’s this girl I’ve met!
WPC1!
She snared me with sex now I work for the government
With WPC1!
What have I become?
I’m an anarchist’s son!
In league with WPC1!
Dad please don’t tell my mum!
About WPC1!
Call WPC1 and she’ll always come!
Say WPC please can I use your gun?
On dad and mum….
© Song, guitar and vocal by GM
Do not reproduce without written permission from all relevant authorities now or in the hereafter or else… dreadful bright endless suffering…
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